Thursday, March 16, 2006

Beloved of cat kind

ha ha! paranoid theory leakage warning.

I have this theory that its not that I like cats, its that cats like me.

I am beloved of cat kind. Or they don't trust me and feel that I need to be observed. Basically wherever I live, there is a cat. If there wasn't one already, one will turn up within a few weeks. And of course, although wise to their dastardly ways, I allow this, and even feed them.
Case in point, Fey, or rather Phaedra (a comprimise, I wasn't allowed to call her Hydra, because it would have been tempting fate) Is currently asleep on my chest. Actually, no, speciffically she's asleep on my breast. The precarious sleep of an animal that will attempt it under sufferance, but only because it has very sharp claws.
Yes. Ow.
But she's there, because I, her cruel owner, have the audacity to use my knees to keep the keyboard on. I can't believe that she needs desperatly to be that close to me or she'll just die of loneliness. So I figure I was too friendly to the dog today and warrant really close observation. I can just see her writing her report back to Kitty HQ....
Yes. I can.
So here I am, looking like im wearing a bear fur boob tube. If I breathe too deeply (apart from getting a very hard pooh-bear stare) I get fur up my nose.
She taken recently to sleeping accross the edge of the key board, tail wrapped around one wrist and head on the other, the hard stares in evidence whenever I dare type. One trend I have noticed is she tends to always be there when I'm typing a mail to SR. I think she fancies him. Or that she thinks that he and I are in cahoots (no, not that kind of cahoots you.... oh honestly!) and our correspondance needs to be monitored.
That goes in the reports as well.
I promise that I don't normally have these attacks of paranoia when confronted with animals. Just sheep (no...! go watch them in a field, one small group, a sheep breaks off, joins another small group... planning something) and pidgeons.

The pidgeons is a recent thing, very recent, a few days ago infact. I got happy slapped by a bunch of em, well, one, the others just gathered under a tree, pretending to fight over a chunk of bread, but I know they were just waiting with their flashy camera phones, for the moment when one of them flew in and whacked me accross the face with a wing.
I thought it was simply a crap pidgeon and shouted something incoherent (that was meant to be 'learn te' fookin' drive yer diseased pie-filler') until I got into work, and was chatting to one of the attendants, and found out that another attendant had been got the week before, and left with a bloodied nose and broken glasses. I got off lightly it appears.

Then another attendant (we have many) informed me that all of the attendants had had their souls removed and were now functioning under the control of a giant company Over-soul.

But thats another story.


Anonymous Serenity said...

You're not the only one who has feline paranoia. The other night I was at a restaurant and there was this cat that came up and sat in the middle of the porch outside the restaurant and just STARED at me. Then it pretended to close it's eyes and lie down, but I'd glance over and it'd be watching me through slitted eyes.

It is a conspiracy. It is. Don't tell my cat I've figured it out.

3:53 pm  

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